Once humans are past the bloom of youth, they began to crave the type of love that we were created for: Eros. Some people search their whole lives for this romantic type of love and for the most part it is very trial and error. Most people pull from what they have seen from the adults they grew up with. Some have tried to mimic movies and books that they have read. Whatever the case is, this love is a learned love, you learn to give it and you learn to receive it.
Sounds easy. The problem is, most people do not find this love quickly, and as they age, the become desperate and began to accept people’s “version” of love. It’s like being stranded on the side of a country road you’ve never traveled before. You don’t know theres a store 3 miles down the road. You are walking in the heat and you are thirsty. The first person you meet offers you the only thing they have: a Coke. You don’t even drink soda, but in that moment, that coke becomes your oasis. You can choose to stay there and drink from their endless supply of coke, or you can continue to walk the unknown road in search for more.
Love is the same way. It’s unique to all of us and it is an untraveled road. People tend to focus on the obvious, are y’all compatible, are they loyal, faithful, look out for you, take care of you, etc. On the flip side, they are mean, unaffectionate, insecure, and doesn’t know how to communicate. Now a lot of women will say “does he have a job, and is he faithful”? If the answer to that is yes they are good with the negatives, but for you it’s coke verses water. How long can you survive off of a love that just simply isn’t for you. Same for men. Now I will say most men do not settle. They pick their women like they shop. They know what they want and they go and get it. But for the men that do settle, how long before she’s not giving you what your soul craves for do you go out and find it?
People like to use the excuse “That’s just the way I am”, or “That’s just how I was raised”, or my favorite “Teach me/Show me how to love”. What’s worst is older people, especially women to women will say “he doesn’t know any better/work with him/He grew up without a father”. Excuses…Excuses. You only have one life! Stop living as if you have two! If a person tells you they love you and its not filling up your soul, you feel better when you’re away from them, or deep down you know its toxic, don’t stay because you are afraid its going to take you forever to find SOME TYPE of love again. Or because you are afraid of being alone. Don’t stay because of invested time, material things, or money. Tell that person that their love isn’t enough for you. Tell them that you need more. You might not ever find anyone to love you like you love them, but you can find someone who gives you love that is good for you. The love you deserve.
From 2013-2014 I removed 80+lbs of fat from my body. It was a process. A painful process. I had to learn that one of my fav food items was actually bad for me: Bread. I also learned that my body didn’t like me eating more that one starch per day. Additionally I learned that happy hour cocktails doesn’t aid in weight loss, so I had to have these things in moderation. It’s the same. Each relationship should tell us something about the love we are giving and the love we are trying or wanting to receive. Some of us are addicted to things that hurt us. Example: Trying to fix people. We take on toxic people as projects and wonder why we aren’t receiving the love we are simply trying to give. We also don’t learn ourselves or once we do, simply don’t make adjustments. Are we shallow? Are we attracted to arrogance? Does money move us? It’s imperative to learn from each situation we put ourselves in. Take accountability and make better choices. Never finding that true love is better than 50 years of marriage to a person whose love only fills you up halfway.