Saying Goodbye: A Letter To My Father

Dear Daddy,

I pray this letter comes off as eloquent as it is in my head. I thought I knew just what to say and here I am feeling a bit speechless. We lost you 11/29/2017 on a Wednesday night at 10:13pm. I haven’t stop crying since. I don’t know if I will ever stop crying. It hurts so bad. Last night we had your viewing and everyone was looking to me to be strong, the kids, the grandkids, and even mom. I have done everything to make sure you leave this world with honor. I set everything up, single handedly wrote the obituary and formatted it, wrote your viewing cards, put together the slide show, and set up and took down everything. When it was time to go daddy I couldn’t hold it together, I cried. I cried so hard while telling everyone they had to say good bye.

I walked over to hug you and I slipped you a paper in your jacked pocket that said “I love you always and forever -#FatPig”. I even had Charles Jr. sign it. It broke my heart, but also made me so happy to see your GREAT grandkids wanting to be picked up and hug you. It was a reflection of how much they loved you daddy and how much you loved them. At that age, I don’t remember wanting to hug a dead body. It finally hit peanut that you are gone and to see him get sad just tore apart the pieces of me that were left.

You looked at him as my son even though he was Nyrege’s. I got him at 2 1/2 months and I was the same age my mother was when she had me. What thoughts did you have when you got me? I was such a spoiled little daddy’s girl, I never asked you. What were you going thru? What were you feeling? How did you prepare for me? You had 3 boys. You used to tell me that I looked like a doll and that when you saw me I was the most beautiful baby.

I miss you Daddy. You’ve only been gone 1 week and it seems like forever. Today we complete this process with your memorial service at noon. We honored your wishes. I hope I made you proud. I’m saying goodbye but only in this world. I remember when you explained the resurrection hope to me as an adult. You said “if you don’t question rather or not you’re going to get paid from the work you do at your job, why would you question Jehovah’s promise?”. It was a beautiful question. Even still I had to have a rebuttal, “but I’ve never seen anyone resurrected before”, I said. “And you had never gotten paid from that job until you did”, you said. It made perfect sense to me. Faith. Faith is what’s needed. The wages sin pays is death and your check has been cashed daddy. You are written in Jehovah’s memory for ever. He will call and you will answer. I have to make sure I’m there to see you when you wake.

Thank you for giving me the memories and love to last a life time. Thank you for my childhood, it’s how I knew to read bed time stories to Peanut, tuck him in bed with kisses after a warm bath. It’s how I will know how to do homework with my kids as soon as they come home, teach them about life, taking them fishing and give them the stories that you gave me. It’s how I will make them feel they can do and be anything. It’s how I will be able to teach them about Jehovah’s amazing kingdom, they won’t have unanswered questions about God, creation, life and the bible. Only thing I will do differently is not give them bottomless McDonalds Happy Meals Daddy. And if I shall ever leave them, they will share the same hope that I share with you now. “…He will wipe out every tear form their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.” Rev. 21:4

You looked like you were sleeping. Rest easy daddy! Love and Light to you. Love you forever and always.  – Daddy’s Girl #FatPig


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