I know I’m a little late with this, seeing how we’re all waiting on Season 3 of Insecure, however, the subject never dies and I personally feel like we let this one fly over our heads. In season two we saw a little more than we wanted to see with Tasha & Lawrence. At the end of the “never should have started situationship”, Tasha tells Lawrence that he is the worst kind of guy: A F***Boy who thinks he’s a good guy. What does this mean?
We mostly talk about guys in two extremes. Either he’s the super amazing boyfriend who is loving and devoted and basically a #ForeverDuncan kind of dude, or he’s an ASN (Ain’t S*** Ni***). They are either bringing babies home on us or cheating on us while pregnant (so sorry Kevin). What we don’t talk about are the men who veer super close to the ASN line without touching it. That’s what Lawrence was personifying at the time. The question is are you dating one? Here are the 6 signs that you’re dating and FB who thinks he’s a good guy.
#6. LIES! *Tamar Braxton Voice*
Now I know what you are thinking, “He isn’t a good guy if he lies”. We aren’t talking about major lies like “Baby I’m working late” but your best friend is sending you pictures of him with another girl at your favorite sushi spot lies. No we are talking about the best lies. What are those? Lies that are mixed with a little bit of truth. Guys who mix their truths with lies really are worse than a dude who straight up tells you the truth. They make you believe them knowing they are lying to you ON PURPOSE. Maybe he is working late, but the reason he couldn’t take your phone call is because he’s chatting with a “friend”. Which brings me to number 5.
Technically he’s not cheating. No he just have these flirty conversations with women knowing that if he even attempted to nod his head in yes they would be all over him. Womanizing is not a good guy trait. No, I REPEAT NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT ALL MEN ARE WOMANIZERS! SIDE CHICKS DON’T “COME WITH THE TERRITORY”! Who raised yall? Why do women accept men who flirt with women as a GOOD man just because he doesn’t physically cheat with them? Emotional cheating is still bad. Would your man like it if you had a male friend you shared stuff with instead of with him? Exactly. So here you are can’t really say anything about his “friends” without looking insecure and crazy. To seal the deal, he makes sure everyone knows you are his girlfriend. He posts you as his WCW and everything. But when did having a girlfriend or boyfriend for that matter stop anyone from trying to get at someone? Inappropriate relationships with outsiders should not exist in your relationship.
#4. SUPPORT….or LACK THERE OF
When its him do you ride hard? Do you wear all of the hats? He gets a promotion you go all out? His family has an event you’re helping? He has ambitions, you hold down the fort? But when it’s you, its hard to find that same support? Think of the times when you needed his support and nothing, or little effort was shown. In a relationship with this guy, there isn’t a partnership or healthy competition. You guys are just competition.
He plays the victim. I want to insert a huge eye-roll emoji here because this is like the worst and most FB things ever outside of #1. These FB good guys love doing FB things to women and then turning around and playing the victim. “I’m just going thru a lot right now”, “I told you I was broken.”, “You’re stronger than me.” “Come on, you act like I’m out here cheating”. “Don’t embarrass me.” (Really Jay?) And the worst “Trust me, you got you a good one, don’t mess this up.” I mean imagine someone doing you wrong and flipping it to make you feel even worse. Moreover, if you attempted to do the things they do to you, they wouldn’t take it and couldn’t survive it.
Your four year old nephew communicates better than him. Just when you think you’ve opened him up, you find another layer of nasty hard scab. Something is bothering him, it’s like pulling teeth to try and get it out of him. He’ll tell the world before you get him to sit down and talk to you, or he will wait til the issue ruptures and seeps pus before he opens up to you. Good communication is needed in a relationship. It’s part of the foundation of a good relationship. Say what you mean and mean what you say. This is in harmony with number 1.
#1. Tug of War
The number one sign to know if you are dating a FB who thinks he’s a good guy, is this tug of war game that he plays. Tasha’s main reason for calling Lawrence a FB who thinks he’s a good guy was due to him leading her on. Guys who tell you they aren’t looking for anything serious, but get upset if you entertain other guys. Guys who once in a relationship with you say things like “maybe this was a mistake” when he doesn’t get his way. Guys who hurt you by doing all of those other numbers above then tell you “why don’t you just leave me”. Guys who use your energy and time in the relationship to help him heal. Guys who push and pull you. Push you away then beg you to stay. Guys who come and confess their love to you, knowing they aren’t ready for anything serious but they see you moving on and they don’t want anyone else to have you, so they come disturb your peace.
These guys think they are good because they take care of themselves financially. They don’t cheat on or beat their women. They aren’t getting other women pregnant. They are definitely not the Baby Boy type (no Jodies over here). They are responsible men and reliable. They have ambitions and on paper they look great. The ASNs make these guys look good because you are thinking that it could be worse. This logic is just like having the FLU and saying “hey it could be worse, I could have herpes”. Like the FLU is not a good thing to have like at all. There are men out there who don’t play games, who know how to communicate, who are looking to date and do right by you. They are looking for the same things you are looking for. You deserve better. Go get it!
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