If you follow me on social media, then you are probably aware that I was just in North Carolina celebrating the 5th Anniversary of some really good friends of mine. To see people value marriage is like a cold glass of water in today’s desert society. This blog has NOTHING to do with them or their marriage. Their event was simply the muse behind it. They inspired me to have this conversation.
With that being said, you don’t have to be married for marriage to teach you some very important lessons. Marriage is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make in your life. There is a meme going around that says you have to be a Proverbs 31 wife to get an Ephesians 5 (particularly verses 25-31) man. While I PERSONALLY agree with the bibles guidance, I hate that people spread this around because it give a false sense of what marriage is. Single people tend to look at marriage like plug in play. Sort of like creating a program: If, Then, Else. IF I am this woman and he is this man, THEN marriage should work like this or ELSE. But if you observe, if you truly observe then you will be able to pick up on many lessons marriage teach you from the outside looking in. Here are a couple of mine.
5. Go Best Friend, That’s your Best Friend
You Don’t Necessarily Need to Marry Your Best Friend. People, even I have screamed from the mountain top that in order for you to have an extrodinary marriage, you NEED to marry your best friend. If you marry your best friend, your marriage is bound to work because you guys are best friends. You know what he likes and he knows what you like and if you don’t know you guys can always talk about it. You know exactly how to push each other’s buttons, and when not to go to far. But I’ve never wondered why many people get divorce and stay best friends, or sometimes become best friends? My own parents admitted that they were best friends but horrible marriage mates. To this day they are best friends. There is a reason why your best friends are your best friends that you would never consider to marry. I have a couple of VERY best friends whom I will share my everything with but will never marry and have never considered them a suitable mate FOR ME. Marriage needs chemistry, it needs an in-explainable connection that you feel with someone. Of course you have to like your mate, but being best friends is only a cherry on top of a perfectly made sundae.
4. Gum Drops & Lollipops?
Marriage is not always sunny skies, there will be lots of turbulence. I have accepted that it’s going to get extremely ugly at times. When you are dating, the ugly doesn’t seem too bad. You get into a World War III argument, you can always just go home and not speak for a couple of days or even a week. Even if you live together both of you know that at any given time you can walk away from the situation. Marriage isn’t as simple. Your wife is having a bad “time of the month” on top of you having a horrible week at work, you guys have to sit it thru in the same household. Someone once said love is good when it’s good but dear god when it’s bad, it horrible. You have to love someone for their flaws. Why? Because their idiosyncrasies makes them who they are. How many charming, funny, kind people have you come into contact with that does absolutely nothing for you? But that one person who knows exactly how to push your buttons, who you give passes to, who has that thing you don’t hate but you don’t love either, thats the one who has your heart. You make it to five years by accepting that sometimes it’s going to get rough, but it’s how you handle it that gets you past your darkest hour, day, week, month, year.
3. What you won’t do, another man/woman is waiting to.
This is extremely important, especially in the “savage” world we reside in. You cannot and I repeat, you cannot get too comfortable with marriage. Oh I got him, we have kids, I don’t have to do anything now. This is faulty thinking. Do you know how many lonely people are out there just waiting for someone you are taking for granted? My boyfriends post on his writing page just went viral and half of the comments were tags while the other half were women (and some men) stating how they wished they had someone like that. You were a fun person while dating, now you’re married with kids, and its been 10 years. You go to work and are often tired from coming home and taking care of your family. We get it, you’re tired, you’re comfortable. Doesn’t mean your mate is. What they want and like matters. At least it should matter. Don’t ever become complacent. Humans period want to be shown love, effort, respect, and appreciation. You see your husband or wife needing to have a good time, you need to make sure it happens. Married couples should still date, flirt, dress up, be silly, have fun, and be sexually intimate. Marriage is not the finish line, its the beginning.
2. Up to 77 Times.
At a wedding, the speaker once said that Marriage is the joining of two strong forgiving people. I thought that was so beautiful because everyone is imperfect. Mistakes are bound to happen. Forgiveness is key in a Marriage. Not just for the victim, but also for the person who made the mistake. Sometimes you will have to forgive yourself. Don’t hold on to your mistakes and guilt. Forgive yourself for your poor judgement, take the necessary steps to turn around and make things right, then work hard to prove to your mate that you are truly repentant for your wrong. Love is unconditional, and forgiveness goes a long way. It’s like glue that keeps everything together. Without forgiveness, all you have is a tally of the offenses because who really tally’s up the good?
1. Three Fold Cord
I have seen a huge difference in marriages that have God in them and ones that doesn’t. You may disagree with me and thats your prerogative, but this has been my observation. God is the three fold cord that holds the marriage together. Not only because he is God, but because he instituted marriage. If he created marriage then obviously he knows what’s best for a successful marriage. He talks about what a wife should be and how a husband should treat his family. I have seen couples pray together and try to follow those guidelines and knock out 10, 12, 15 years of marriage. It wasn’t always a smooth ride, but they are together still loving each other, still applying beneficial values. Build your marriage with the fire resistant materials that God provides, understand that its NEVER going to be prefect, and maybe someday you and I both will be knocking out the years on forever with our mates.